Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
