I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
