This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
