I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
