can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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