On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
