Small penises have feelings too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
