I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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