Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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