I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
