i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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