I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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