so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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