I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
