I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
