Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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