it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
