drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
