I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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