Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
