Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
