I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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