when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
