My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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