they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
