Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
