Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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