Jerry, you need to find god
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
