at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
