i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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