I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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