Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
