Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
