I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
