if i can run in heels then i can drive
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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