you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
