i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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