1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
