in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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