Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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