It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
