I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
where am i from again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
