Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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