you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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