I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
