i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
