sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
