I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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