I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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