I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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