he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
