I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
