Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do vagina's smell?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
