You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
