You can't special order awesome
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Michael Bay diarrhea
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
