I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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