why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
